Psychology — MR. SHARP

YOU WILL HAVE NO CONTROL AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY!

This past week, Americans saw Donald Trump be convicted on 34 charges of falsifying business records. By the rule of the law alone, the verdict is correct. He paid Stormy Daniels $420,000 to hide an affair with her while claiming they were business expenses. But the law is not being applied fairly and anyone who says that it is has been violated way worse than Stormy Daniels ever has. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and ask Vince Foster, John F. Kennedy Jr., Seth Rich, Jeffrey Epstein, Juanita Broaddrick, and Alexander Smirnov how they’re doing right now - if you can find them.

We also saw the continuing saga of Alex Jones and Sandy Hook families, in which Alex Jones is now being forced to sell his ranch in Staples, Texas in order to cover his bankruptcy expenses. He is currently expected to owe $85 million to the Sandy Hook families over the course of 10 years, but that may change. As much of a massive idiot Alex Jones is for claiming that the Sandy Hook shooting was perpetrated by crisis actors, it’s very upsetting to me that you can’t lie in the United States anymore without the risk of criminal intervention. How am I ever supposed to grow this website without claiming that I successfully convinced multiple prostitutes to pay me to sleep with them after they saw my large penis?

So it’s clear that the authoritarians must be stopped. How? With more authoritarianism of course.

So here’s my anti-authoritarian authoritarianism (AAA) system, carefully designed for how the United States operates. If you live in a country with an alleged democratic government, feel free to use my ideas to make your nation better, as long as I get all the credit.

The United States’ leaders will be controlled by a Democratic party candidate for 4 years, then followed by a Republican party candidate, ad infinitum, or until China successfully creates an anti-American alien race. This includes the US President, the Senate, House of Representatives, governors, state senators, mayors, judges, aldermen, everything. All of these 4-year terms will run concurrently (e.g. January 20, 2025 - January 20, 2029). This results in the official elimination of all third parties, and since their candidates never had a chance to win anyways, who cares. Politicians currently in third parties are welcome to join either the Democratic or Republican parties at the start of AAA’s implementation.
The country’s leaders will be decided by primary elections followed by a general election decided by the popular vote. If you have ever been or currently are a politician, military member, law enforcement member, criminal justice system member, political journalist, or a federal government employee you are permanently ineligible to vote in any United States election. As for US citizens who are none of these things, you are allowed one lifetime party switch with no return switch - meaning that if you were to switch parties from Republican to Democratic, you are Democrat forever unless you decide to become unaffiliated. A switch from one party to unaffiliated will also count for your one lifetime party switch.
You are only eligible to vote in any United States election if you are affiliated with one of the two parties.
Every citizen of the United States is to receive a permanent digital footprint that will be used in a myriad of ways.
a. It will be used to safeguard election integrity, as you will be forced to vote in person on election day only and will be required to provide four forms of ID to prove you are an American citizen: social security number, passport, voter registration card, birth certificate (even if you were not born here). All elections will be monitored by the US Election Integrity Unit - a new branch of the federal government - who in turn will be monitored by undercover voters (who are actually law enforcement members) on election day. On Election Day, Election Integrity Unit members will be required to wear body cameras and wires while law enforcement members will be required to wear hidden cameras and wires. Any Election Integrity Unit or law enforcement member who is caught manipulating the election in any way will receive an automatic death penalty sentence.
b. It will be used to monitor citizens' activities online, so any post on any website or social media application will be subject to be used against them by the ruling class at their discretion. This does not apply if the poster is an unaffiliated voter, but OF COURSE it applies if the poster is a journalist. If punishment were to happen, it would be done in a court run by extremely intelligent kangaroos, whose intelligence has been increased by the so-called Marsupial Flu. Despite being incredibly intelligent, these kangaroos are detained by the ruling class and have been brainwashed in the style of Project MKUltra in order to give the ruling class’ desired ruling. After the 4-year term by the ruling class ends, the next ruling class receives access to the kangaroos and will be free to control them however they please.

My hopes with this new AAA system are that American citizens will learn to realize how helpless they really are and that American leaders will also realize that their authoritarianism will have an expiration date when the next ruling class enters the political arena, hopefully inspiring them to be less authoritarian. But when a new ruling class takes over, they cannot charge the previous ruling class with any crimes whatsoever - because the ruling class, no matter whether they are Democratic or Republican, will always escape responsibility for their actions BECAUSE THEY ARE BETTER THAN US!

Then Americans on both sides of the political aisle can get back to what America does best - fuck around. Whether that’s with sports, TV, movies, video games, comedy, reading (lol), I really don’t give a shit.

Oh, before I forget - any citizen who talks about politics in public is allowed to be killed on the spot. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a couple people in my life who I’d like to hear their opinion on this article before I publish it.